Jokainen, joka tuntee minut, tietää, että olen viimeiset vuodet kamppaillut opiskelumotivaation kanssa ja pahasti. Kun neljä vuotta sitten sain hyväksymiskirjeen Laurean sosionomi-linjalle, ensimmäinen reaktioni oli eieieieii, en halua, en halua alkaa opiskelemaan. en ole vielä valmis. Lykkäsin opintojen aloittamista kahdella vuodella ja sen jälkeen päätin olla ottamatta opiskelupaikkaa vastaan. Ne kaksi vuotta olivat todella antoisat.
Hain kuitenkin Lahden ammattikorkeaan opiskelemaan tietotekniikkaa. Pienien mutkien kautta päädyin kouluun sisälle ja fiilikseni oli yhä edelleen saman suuntainen. Ei minua kiinnosta opiskella, mutta koen yhteiskunnan vaativan tutkinnon. Olen syvällä normien määräämässä maailmassa enkä osaa hypätä sieltä pois, vaikka tiedän, että pitäisi.
Olen yrittänyt etsiä syytä, miksi opiskella. Miksi jatkaa itsensä kiduttamista, varsinkin jos ei tulevaisuudessa suunnittele työskentelevänsä opiskelemallaan alalla? Jostain syystä olen silti vaivalloisesti ryöminyt nämä kaksi vuotta eteenpäin ja vasta viime keväänä sain ensimmäiset hylättyni.
Yksi syy vaihtoon lähtemiseen oli motivaation etsiminen. Ajattelin, että tämä vaihto jollakin tavalla näyttäisi, mitä haluan tehdä tulevaisuudessa. Vaikka sisimmässäni tiedän, että maailma on potkinut minua oikeaan suuntaan jo pitkän aikaa. En vain ole uskaltanut ottaa ensimmäistä askelta, hypätä tuntemattomaan.
Keväällä olin innovaatioviikolla Alankomaissa ja se sai kipinän syttymään sisälläni - pitkästä aikaa jotakin, joka oikeasti tuntui mielekkäältä. Huomaan hakeutuvani helposti liiketalouden pariin, täälläkin paras kurssi on International Marketing. Opin parhaiten projekteissa ja jos voisin, toteuttaisin kaikki mahdolliset opinnot projekteina. Sellaista koulutusta ei kuitenkaan ole olemassa Suomessa - tai niin minä luulin.
Eräs suomalainen poika kertoi Proakatemiasta. En ollut ikinä ennen kuullut moisesta, mutta voitte kuvitella ilmeeni, kun tajusin mistä on kyse. Kuvauksen perusteella Proakatemia olisi juuri minun paikkani, jos aion opiskella. Nyt pohdinkin, onko motivaation puutteessa kyse väärästä alasta vai puhtaasti siitä, etten koe opiskelua tarpeelliseksi. Onneksi minulla on vielä kolme kuukautta aikaa.
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One third of this trip is gone and I'm already starting fear this ends too soon. I miss people back home, but I know this exchange is good for me. It is one big exploration into myself.
Everyone knows how badly I have fought with motivation and how mixed feelings I have towards studying. When I got accepted to Laurea four years ago, I almost started crying. Not because I was so happy, I was so devastated. I didn't want to start studying. I ended up skipping first two years and just work and travel. Those two years were absolutely amazing.
I never went studying in Laurea. I ended up in Lahti University of Applied Sciences two years ago. My feelings about studying hasn't change a bit. I'm not interested about studying, but I have this weird way of thinking. Somehow I have a feeling that I need to get a degree. It doesn't matter what kind of degree, I just need to get it because it's right thing to do.
I'm trying to find a reason why study. Why should I keep torturing myself, especially if I'm not planning to work in my study field? One reason to study has been student union. I tie myself to unions so I can't drop out middle of the year. I have suffered these two years and last spring I finally failed my first courses.
I wanted to go exchange to find motivation. I though this 4 moths would somehow show me what do I want to do in my life. In my heart I know the world has been pushing me in the right direction for a long time. I haven't been brave enough to take the first step, jump in unknown.
Last spring I took part of innovation week in Netherlands. It blew my mind, I had forgotten how inspiration feels. How it feels to do something that feels good. It is weird to realize how much I enjoy business courses, I tend to take all of the available courses. I have also noticed I learn by doing projects. If I could, I would take only projects. That kind of school doesn't exist in Finland - or at least I thought so.
One Finnish guy told me about Proakatemia. I have never heard of it, but you can imagine my face when I realized what it is. Proakatemia seems to be the place for me - if I'm going to study. Right now I'm trying to figure out if the problem is wrong study field or studying doesn't seem to be profitable. Luckily, I still have three months.
Everyone knows how badly I have fought with motivation and how mixed feelings I have towards studying. When I got accepted to Laurea four years ago, I almost started crying. Not because I was so happy, I was so devastated. I didn't want to start studying. I ended up skipping first two years and just work and travel. Those two years were absolutely amazing.
I never went studying in Laurea. I ended up in Lahti University of Applied Sciences two years ago. My feelings about studying hasn't change a bit. I'm not interested about studying, but I have this weird way of thinking. Somehow I have a feeling that I need to get a degree. It doesn't matter what kind of degree, I just need to get it because it's right thing to do.
I'm trying to find a reason why study. Why should I keep torturing myself, especially if I'm not planning to work in my study field? One reason to study has been student union. I tie myself to unions so I can't drop out middle of the year. I have suffered these two years and last spring I finally failed my first courses.
I wanted to go exchange to find motivation. I though this 4 moths would somehow show me what do I want to do in my life. In my heart I know the world has been pushing me in the right direction for a long time. I haven't been brave enough to take the first step, jump in unknown.
Last spring I took part of innovation week in Netherlands. It blew my mind, I had forgotten how inspiration feels. How it feels to do something that feels good. It is weird to realize how much I enjoy business courses, I tend to take all of the available courses. I have also noticed I learn by doing projects. If I could, I would take only projects. That kind of school doesn't exist in Finland - or at least I thought so.
One Finnish guy told me about Proakatemia. I have never heard of it, but you can imagine my face when I realized what it is. Proakatemia seems to be the place for me - if I'm going to study. Right now I'm trying to figure out if the problem is wrong study field or studying doesn't seem to be profitable. Luckily, I still have three months.

































